From a historian's perspective, chastity devices are
fascinating. And really, what is sexier than a historian's perspective? (Really?
Literally everything?) I've picked up some fun facts about these bad
boys while researching my soon-to-be-released novel, "Not Quite
Darcy."
For one - chastity belts for females in the Middle Ages
weren't much of a thing. Women didn't really begin using them until after the Industrial
Revolution - and even then, they were primarily used as a method to thwart
rape.
But male chastity devices? That's a whole different bear
trap (and my words may be more literal than you would hope). These babies absolutely flourished during the
Victorian Era. Why? No less than the
looming threat of madness, moral degeneration and death. Not necessarily in that order.
And how could a metal device strapped around a man's nether
regions stop such disasters, you ask? By preventing a young man from 'self
abuse.' To Victorians, masturbation wasn't a minor moral failing, but the key
to sanity itself. For instance, Sir Robert Anderson, (the head of Scotland Yard in the
late 1800s) told a social purity meeting ‘the harrowing story of an Eton boy,
son of a colonel in the army, a brilliant lad, always head of his class, …who
had been reduced to driveling imbecility as the result of his secret sin,
induced by the sight of an obscene photograph exhibited by a scoundrel whom he
met in a railway train.’
Imagine such a world. Where a
quick glance at a dirty postcard at Charring Cross might reduce you to drooling
idiocy. Why only a fool wouldn't take
strict precautions to avoid such a fate.
Thus, the ultimate cock-blocking devices came into being.
Let's take a quick tour through
some of the ingenious designs.
The Self Protector was invented
in 1870. A band encircled
the body just above the hips. It was locked together by a small padlock, the
key to which was carried by 'the person in charge of the masturbator.' Imagine how well that would look on a resume
or in a job interview. "Do you have
supervisory experience?" they ask. You grin. "I sure do! Let me tell
you allllll about it!"
This is called
the Jugum Penis, but let's be honest and call the thing what it is: a wang bear
trap. When I first saw this, I sprained something trying to close my browser
down. The Victorians were not messing around when it came to erections. Upon
the slightest indication of an erection, this baby would remind Mr. Happy of
several pointed reasons why he should remain Mr. Sad.
The Bowen
Device was a top seller and doesn't seem so bad (especially compared with the
last one). Thing is, this contraption
clips directly to your pubes. So if your
little fella becomes aroused, the Bowen Device would begin to yank out all the
surrounding pubic hair. Might put a whole new spin on 'Wuthering Heights.' "Why
are you weeping, Heathcliff?" Cathy asked. He only adjusted his crotch,
then continued openly sobbing into his hands.
I know what you're thinking!
With all this attention to the men, where's something for the females? How about this little number? It might look
like the scariest b-ball outfit you've ever seen, but it's really unisex
jammies called Sexual Armor. It was even designed by a woman, Miss Ellen
Perkins, of the aptly named Beaver Bay,
MN. As Ellen puts it "It is a deplorable but well known
fact that one of 'the most common causes of insanity, imbecility and feeble
mindedness, especially in youth, is due to masturbation or self abuse. This is
about equally true of both sexes." You're
welcome, ladies!
Okay, the Chastity Apron shouldn't
count because it was invented in 1977.
But I couldn't resist. First of
all, they're still designing these things? And secondly, you have to love the
subtlety of it. And although you couldn't exactly wear this thing, well,
anywhere - it would look right at home in the SNL sketch for "Dick in a
Box."
Although "Not Quite
Darcy" explores this issue, I surely couldn't be so cruel as to force my
sweet protagonist into such a torture device.
Could I?
How to woo a gentleman—and weaponize dessert.
Romance novel junkie Eliza Pepper always thought she was born
too late, but now she really is stuck in the wrong time. Tasked
with mending a tear in the timeline, she’s trying desperately to fit into 1873 London. But dang it,
mucking out a fireplace while looking like the lunch lady from hell is hard.
If she can just keep from setting the floor on fire and somehow
resist her growing attraction to the master of the house, she’ll be fine. All
she has to do is repeat her mantra: “He’s
nothing like Darcy. He’s nothing like Darcy.”
William Brown has always taken pride in his mastery of English
decorum, but his new maid is a complete disaster, has thrown his household into
chaos…and he finds her utterly captivating.
Though he’s willing to endure extreme physical discomfort to
keep their relationship in proper perspective, her arrival has brought out a
side of him he never knew existed. And Eliza has an innocently erotic knack for
coaxing that decidedly ungentlemanly facet of himself out to play…
Product Warnings
A modern girl who knows
bupkis about nursing and maiding in the 19th century, a gentleman poet with a
repressed wild side, and inappropriate use of a pair of pantaloons.
Terri Meeker is supposed to write her author blurb in the
third person. It’s just how things are done. She shouldn’t question it, but
then she’s always been difficult. Even in high school, her best friend’s mother
described her as ‘eccentric’ before urging her daughter to make friends with a
nice, normal girl.
She was born in Wyoming but has made her home on Fidalgo
Island in Washington state. She’s loved history since childhood and has been
fortunate to live in lots of places with fascinating pasts, including:
Washington DC, Philadelphia, Virginia Beach, Albuquerque, Missouri and Mons,
Belgium. She’s an ex-history teacher, a mom a Whedonite, a gamer and a
ginormous nerd. She also loves to write.
Terri is really getting into this third person thing and
thinks it will give her a lot of gravitas during future dinner conversations.
She thinks you should probably start doing it as well.
Her website is at terrimeeker.com. Check it out and you’ll
be able to find her on twitter, fb and all that social stuff. She’d love to
hear from you. Trust me.
